There is a notion these days that having “Emotional Intelligence” (EQ) will take you farther in life than having a high IQ.

Daniel Goleman, a Harvard psychologist, says one of the domains of EQ is relationship management.  An effective relationship will develop these competencies:

1. Influence – Having the ability to impact others.  It starts with having a desire to influence others. Many just don’t want the bother.  Influence skills include persuasion, encouragement, listening, role modeling.  The list can go on.  The point is that you know the impact your influence can have, and you have the desire to use it.
2. Coach and Mentor – This is influencing at a higher level.  To take on the responsibility to impact others by teaching, advising and coaching is a high-level commitment.  Coaching is taking on the responsibility to help others for a reason.  There are goals and objectives.  There are winners and losers.  There is a destination in mind.
3. Conflict Management – This is a lot like “courageous communication”.  Being willing to be involved in resolving a difficult situation takes special courage and intention.  The competency to be able to address issues and “fix” them is a high order competency.
4. Team Work – I think one of the top accolades one can have is being known as a great teammate. Being seen as one who can be counted on to show up, do the job, help others and aid team success day in and day out is a competency that is developed and refined.
5. Inspirational Leadership – Being able to inspire others incorporates all the first four competencies that are set out.

I like this model of relationship competencies because it puts some structure on the domain of relationship management.  You can raise your EQ by working on these competencies.  You can assess yourself by checking your present experience against these topics.  You can focus your efforts by choosing one to improve.